Being in this position, I end up letting my thoughts wander all over the warped and pitted landscape that makes up my subconscious, and the things that I find there scare me from time to time. By this, I neither mean that my thoughts are notably evil, nor that you would be likely to find them in a low budget, painfully dated, ‘gore is more’ horror film. No; the thing that scares me isn’t necessarily what these thoughts are even about, but simply the sudden realisation of how much certain thoughts have managed to play on my mind for weeks, months, or even years in some cases.

Traditionally, most people will write their new year’s resolutions as a way of bettering themselves, whether by means of giving up smoking, using that gym membership or limiting themselves to only 2 hookers a week. Unfortunately, the tradition follows that after writing said resolutions, most people will shirk, begrudgingly ignore or otherwise fail to adhere to them within a fortnight. I, however, have decided that I might as well just write down all the things that are playing on my mind, and solve them one-by-one across the course of the year. Theoretically, if I can solve these issues, I should hopefully achieve some sodding inner peace. And, if that doesn’t work, then I haven’t exactly done any worse than the other 20 new years preceding this one.

So, seeing as the internet doesn’t quite have enough information about me already, here is a non-exhaustive list of my fears and anxieties. I think a lot of people will know where I’m coming from, although not necessarily on all fronts.

• I have about £3 in my wallet, and that has to see me until my student loan comes through.
• Hindsight taught me that I found it too easy to fall in love. Now I’m wondering if I’m finding it too hard.
• I take incredibly bad care of myself, and one day I’m going to have to give a shit.
• My parents are disappointed by the waning anti-climax that is my educational career, and I can feel it whenever I’m around them.
• If the world continues on its current downward trajectory, all my children can hope to live for is slavery, ignorance and futility. That thought alone is honestly enough to put me off having children.
• No matter what I may tell my friends, my family, and even tell myself, it’s been almost 2 years and I’m still not over it. Worse yet, I don’t think I’m getting over it with time, only getting numb.
• I get on much better with people who smoke weed, but I’m still not sure if that’s causality or mere correlation.

Addendum: There are other things playing on my mind, far greater than anything in the list above, but I don’t feel that I have the writing ability to express them in a way that won’t immediately dump me in a particular pigeon hole. Whenever I’ve attempted it before, the end result is that people see me as a bad combination of a dumb hippie stoner and a miserable emo kid, regurgitating the same clichéd shit that they’ve heard a million times before. So, for the sake of not further stereotyping myself, I’ll sadly hold my tongue.

I’m always told I blaze a lot, and fuck it, yeah, I know it; I
smoke enough that really I should probably just grow it; at
2.8 it’s underweight, it might be oregano, well it
smells alright, it smokes alright, but how the fuck should I know? Cos’

it’s like a constant battle with the skunk that I puff, but it’s
rare I ever get that chronic high-grade stuff, and I’m
told it dulls the brain if you partake of it enough, so I
spit incessant prose to help my intellect stay tough.

But, blazed or not I bring no antisocial behaviour; in my
heart I wanna be the modern world’s final saviour, like an
atheistic Jesus, I’m a humanist inside, propa-
gate a peaceful race and we’ll have real cause for pride, cuz the

system’s broken so I’m toking to escape this shit, don’t you
dare suggest I’m joking, not one tiny little bit; I am
always scared of living, but that won’t mean suicide; we might
be stuck here for a while but human spirit won’t have died, and that’s the
truth.

To spend more time alone and keep stocked up on medication;
Tamiflu is powerful – at market penetration;
It’s that name you turn to when you need to treat flu,
Cuz it’s sold around the world and it’s target market’s you.

While I might sound like I’m being unreasonable,
Think of all the finance that could become feasible,
If part of your business was a Tamiflu merchant,
Just as a “lethal” strain had turned emergent;

I wouldn’t fuck about, I’d get straight down to thinking,
I wanna make some cash but our economy is sinking,
So I’ll raise the markup on the flu drug that I’m whoring,
Demand is forcing market clearing price to keep on soaring,

Every time you sneeze or cough, a vapour is expelled,
In which you’ll find a multitude of germs being propelled
So catch it, bin it, kill it, don’t give them the satisfaction
Of profiting from illness that is acting as distraction

From all the flak the government has taken as of late;
The expenses scandal hasn’t surfaced on the TV since the date,
That the W.H.O. (yeah, who?) told us all,
We’re expecting a pandemic; human race is set to fall;

So rush out to the shops but be sure that you don’t breathe,
It’s probably much worse than we have led you to believe,
Make sure you buy that medicine, even just in case;
It might even kill you! Nah, we’re lying to your face.

The only people dying are the elderly and weak,
Don’t think that influenza’s going on a killing streak,
It’s only going to effect a third of us at peak;
Don’t believe the media, it’s truth that you should seek.

Sitting on the bench in Evelyn Gardens at 4.20am, I always have a lot of time for reflection. While I would normally frequent the same bench to enjoy my favourite Class B pass-time, tonight was a night of empty baggies and desperate, futile grinder scrapings. So, instead, I was smoking a king-size roll-up, and watching the beginnings of another Monday in London. The sun had already risen behind the looming grey clouds, and I had a feeling that things weren’t going to get much brighter today.

Throughout my life I’ve suffered seemingly random bouts of insomnia, and this week has been no exception. Normally, I would lay the blame upon my exams or a piece of coursework that was due, or even the occasional woman trouble that seems to come with the increasingly occasional women in my life, but recently I’ve been wondering if perhaps there’s something else to it. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been developing an overbearing apathy, which has only seemed to worsen with time. People tell me that my problem stems from smoking too much weed, and part of me wants that to be true, but I know that my herbal intake isn’t the problem. There’s something much darker causing it — the fact that I have an exam at 2pm today and am yet to sleep feels like the least of my worries.

So what on earth were my bigger worries? Sitting on the same bench, looking across the road at the same beautifully architectured church, I pondered this question in great depth. I usually avoid this kind of perusal of my subconscious — deep thought without anybody there to validate it tends to see me remembering and dwelling upon the shit in my past that would best remain buried and fragmented — but all I could feel this morning were a sense of detachment from the world and a sickening disgust towards the people who were simply out to serve their own needs.

I’ve read a lot, and been told even more about the real state of modern human society, and the more I read and hear, the less I want to believe it. And the more I hear, the less I can disregard.

We are all living in a global empire, where nation by nation, the world is being chewed up, swallowed, and defecated back into place as a well-templated victory for those who rule. Institutions such as the World Bank and the IMF, posing as a saviour to the monetary needs of failing third world nations, give out enormous loans to allegedly save the impoverished. When, surprisingly, these loans cannot be repaid, conditions are imposed upon the nation: their electricity suppliers, water boards and other public amenities are put up to auction, trade restrictions are torn down, and soon large multi-national corporations move in. These corporations set up their businesses, using their huge capital to lower their prices and undercut those of natives, exporting the nation’s valuable natural resources (whether oil, diamonds or foodstuffs), and soon people are forced to work for these corporations for a pittance in order to earn enough to survive.

This, sadly, is again, one of my smaller worries, but my biggest worry of all lies very close to it. These empirical corporations all seem to run under the same golden rule: maximise profit, regardless of the social or environmental impact. It is this golden rule which scares me the most. Greed-fuelled profit maximisation is the biggest constraint on our development of technology, culture and society in general. Ever since the industrial revolution, our technological development has been stifled by those aiming to cut corners and reduce costs – spending money on researching new technology is, after all, spending money. Furthermore, if an improvement in technology were to lower the price of a commodity, then where is the incentive to improve at all?

Take the car, for example. In order to use your car to travel, it needs fuel and regular servicing. If we are such an advanced race, then why do we have to spend so much money as consumers on having our ‘advanced’ technology repaired and maintained? Now imagine that every car in the world didn’t have a petrol/diesel engine, but instead had an electric motor — we could travel for a fraction of the cost and not be concerned about filling our streets with caustic exhaust fumes. In fact, there are electric cars available that can travel 300 miles on a single, inexpensive charge cycle, with performance equal to that of a similarly priced petrol car and a much simpler design with less to go wrong. So, why aren’t we all driving clean, efficient, reliable electric cars? The reason is simple: there is much less money to be made from efficient, reliable cars — if we aren’t paying almost a pound a litre for a diminishing resource, and spending hundreds of pounds a year to keep our cars running, then how can oil companies and car manufacturers earn their keep? They can’t, so they buy up patents for related technologies and make it near-impossible for development to occur.

So why don’t we hear about this in the news? Consider News Corporation, one of the world’s largest media conglomerates, better known to you and me as owner of The Sun, The Times, 20th Century Fox, Sky and countless other newspapers, magazines, TV stations, etc. This corporation, and others like it, are the people who control exactly what we see and hear in the media. It stands to reason that business would not be booming quite so well, were they telling us the truth and endangering the profits of fellow companies.

I hate this feeling that we are being told bare-faced lies to keep us from realising the truth. Whenever I hear the term ‘terrorism’ in the news, used to describe someone standing up for their livelihood, I start to see the hideous irony behind it all — if terrorism is supposed to be controlling a populous through fear, then you have to wonder who the real terrorists are.

Then again, I could be wrong. I hope so. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, but I hope I’ve got my point across. I could wax lyrical about the many other aspects of this establishment, but I fear that the more I say, the less I will be taken seriously. And that is a sad truth about the world.

Now, here’s what you’re supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag as many of your friends as you’d like to. Then, see what happens.

Kissed anyone one of your facebook friends? Yes
Been arrested? Yes
Kissed someone you didn’t like? No
Slept in until 5 PM? Yes
Fallen asleep at work/school? Yes
Held a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Been suspended from school? No
Totaled your car/motorbike in an accident? No
Been fired from a job? No
Sang karaoke? No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? No
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Sang in the shower? Yes
Sat on a rooftop? Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? No
Broken a bone? No
Shaved your head? No
Blacked out from drinking? Yes
Played a prank on someone? Yes
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? No
Been in a band? Yes
Shot a gun? No
Tripped on mushrooms? No
Donated Blood? No
Eaten alligator meat? No
Eaten cheesecake? Yes
Still love someone you shouldn’t? Yes
Think about the future? Yes
Believe in love? Yes
Sleep on a certain side of the bed? Yes

If you could change your eye color, would you?
Hell no, it’s one of the bits of me that I like

If you could change your hair color, would you?
If I could bleach a couple of dreads without them going brittle, I probably would.

What are you listening to at the moment?
Atlantic Connection’s fantastic album, Tomorrow’s Not Enough.

Have you ever had a really big fight with a best friend?
Not really, no. Unless you include an ex-girlfriend who was pretty much a best friend.

Ever kissed someone who’s name starts with a K?
Yup, long time ago.

When will your next kiss be?
Maybe the weekend, we’ll see. I’m not aiming to pull but it IS a party.

Do you have a best friend to lean on?
He’s more like a brother from another mother.

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
LONG. Short dreads on white people look daft. So do long ones, a bit, but never mind.

What is the weather like today?
Chilly but sunny.

Are you happy right now?
I’d choose a different word to describe it, but it’s a very much similar sentiment.

Have you ever really loved someone?
Yes.

If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
Define large. If it was hand-sized, I’d probably give it some space but leave it to it. If by large, you meant 6ft tall and salivating, I’d probably have kicked a hole through the wall (go Fisher Hall!) and legged it.

Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
Farrar, over completely arbitrary shit.

Ever kissed someone who smokes?
Of course.

Have you hugged or kissed anyone in the last 72 hours?
I’m sure I hugged a few people last night, I’m not quite sure.

What happened at 10am this morning?
I was snoozing away after a messy night and 42 hours prior to it without sleep.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
A little disorientated, but not unhappy.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?
Yes.

What is something you’d like to have right now?
Subway? Steak ‘n’ cheese please.

Do you miss your past?
I miss my old self-confidence, but apart from that I like things how they are right now. Still, having a place to myself was jokes.

Are you proud of the person you’ve become?
Parts of me: I’m on one of the best computing courses in the world in one of the best universities in the country, and doing really bloody well at it; on the other hand I’ve become lazier than ever before.

Is there someone of the opposite sex that knows everything about you?
Yeah, and I’ll always keep her close. Besides, imagine having an enemy that knows everything about you.

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I cried with laughter in front of Farrar and Max last time we were ruined. Not sure about unhappy crying though.

Why aren’t you in bed?
Because I just got up.

Last person you kissed says you’re the one they want, do you believe it?
Probably, they fancy the crap out of me.

If you could go back one month and change something would you?
I would have been a lot more forward when I first met her, because I think she’s probably given up on it on account of me not showing enough interest.

Who’s the last person you held hands with?
I’m unsure of that one, it must have been a while ago.

Who is your celebrity crush?
Not really sure on that one.

Who’s the first S in ur contacts?
Dodge

Who was the last person to text you, what’d it say?
Farrar, baffled as to why I wasn’t on msn.

Have you ever woke up next to someone and were freaked out?
Lol, no. I tend to retain my memory when I’m plastered.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with the letter A?
Yus!

Are you on medication for anything?
Hehehehehe

Do you think people talk about you?
Undoubtedly, but they can say what they like.

Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I really hope so, but it’s always hard to tell.

Who is the last person you made a joke with?
Me and Farrar had jokes just now. We always HAVE jokes. You don’t make a joke unless you’re Rowan Atkinson acting the part of an Italian drifter.

Do you plan outfits?
Not really, more the outfits plan me. Apparently that’s how it is in Soviet Russia.

What if you had a baby with the last person that texted you?
I’d be baffled. Still, he’d be a good dad.

The aim of this song is to make something chilled out but not boring, yet quite simple. At some point, the talented Mr. Decent is going to be flowing some sweet lyrics over the top, but until then, use your imagination, or even beatmatch in some Hilltop Hoods – it sounds HEAVY. Trust me, it could turn Hare Krishna into a badboi.

• Fresh Jazz Kill – Where are you? (5m30, ~7.5MB) (WMA/MP3)

Current version of the song has just had its mix improved, and parts of it simplified to be ready for lyrics to be put in. Enjoy!

For a start, the location is absolutely beautiful. The campus is slap bang in the middle of South Kensington, one of the most affluent areas of London, a stone’s throw from such attractions as the Natural History Museum, Science Museum and the famous Hyde Park. My halls are located in Chelsea, which is possibly even more affluent than Kensington, and it really shows. As I’m sure you will know, I am a petrolhead, and as a result I have a love for fine automobiles, but living here is making me start to feel almost saturated by them. If you’ve ever visited the Vatican, you’ll be able to draw a parallel here – there’s only so much fine art you can see before you stop noticing it. Looking out of my bedroom window, the cheapest car I can see is a Mercedes A Class; on a typical walk from here to campus I normally pass 2 Audi RS4s, a brand new Jaguar XKR and at least one Aston Martin DB9.

I’ve only had a couple of lectures so far, but I’ve been amazed by the quality of the teaching here. The lecturer I’ve seen so far is Tony Fields – a man who genuinely loves his subject and delivers his content in a lively and exciting way, and somehow manages to keep everyone interested despite the skill range of his audience reaching from ‘What’s programming?’ to ‘I have run my own software company’.

The main thing that’s struck me about this place though, is that it is incredibly refreshing to be surrounded by people who have a genuine passion for what they are studying, have a thirst for knowledge, and are interested to know what interests you – basically geeks – and it means that I’ve found a place that I can call my home.

Still, for some reason I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know whether it’s because I’m trying to get this summer out of my system still, or if I subconsciously miss my parents/friends, or if there’s something wrong with my health. It could be all of these things, or none of them, but what I do know is that I need to sort it out soon before it affects my study – I can’t keep relying on exhaustion to send me off at night. Right now it’s 3:45am, and I don’t even remotely feel like sleeping, yet I have a lecture at 9am.

In other news, the Scottish judicial system has decided in its infinite wisdom that a guilty plea and a means assessment isn’t enough to reach a verdict as to how sodomized I’m going to get by it’s long, hard dick. So, I have been summoned once more to Peebles court. If I can’t get the case transferred to a local court, then I’m going to have to somehow get from London to Scotland ready for 10am on Wednesday the 22nd, following a 6pm finish at university the previous evening.

Given the new amounts of free time I’ve acquired as a result of starting at uni, I actually believe I stand a chance of finishing it this time. The downside is that I do need to design a new skin, and write a shit load of code, but I’m prepared to do all of that.

The whole thing is an exercise in abstraction and good, clean code writing. If you have any suggestions as to what I should include on the site, please let me know.

Watch this space!